This is why I haven't blogged in a while. If this makes no sense to you - then just return to your everyday life. There is nothing for you here.
I have now been taking a tiny white pill every night for almost two weeks. And I'm coming up on the first twenty four hour mark of not crying. A record I have been keeping since early November. Dealing with depression is something I have unfortunately gotten used to in my life. Chronically. However- I recently hit a wall and realized something was really really really not right.
Enter the tiny white pill. And hopefully some more even keeled emotions. (Well- for me, anyway...)
I'm sure some of you have concerns about taking hormones. I really don't want to hear about it right now. First of all- I trust my doctor and his judgement. Second of all- I understand that there can be side effects - but there are also side effects to being locked in a padded room at Angola stringing Cheerios for recreation time due to the fact you threw a fourth grader through a window because he was tapping his pencil on his desk while you were teaching the words to "Frosty the Snowman".
Suffice it to say that I've been a little on edge.
(I actually have harmed no children at all while teaching happy holiday songs this season. Only because I have Jesus in my heart.)
I do not look nearly as beautiful and stricken as Olivia Walton did when she went through the change in 55 minutes, including commercial breaks. And I also haven't had Grandma to shoo away the bratty kids and give poetic explanation about the "seasons of life" while sappy music played in the background.
Before I make a spiritual point (which I surprisingly intend to do), I just want to share that our stupid cat has chewed through two iphone charger cords. While they were plugged in- charging. I cannot understand how this is possible without a fatality. I fully intend to force him to watch National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation in the next few days. Maybe the sound of Dennis Quaid drawling "that's fried pussycat" will open his eyes to the possible ramifications of cord chewing. It's worth a try, anyway. Those cords aren't free.
Not long ago, I took an early morning drive through the frozen tundra. Or maybe just through frozen Louisiana parishes with exotic names like Catahoula and Tensas. Places that sound very impressive but are really just row upon row of crops and pasture land. I was on my way to pick up the kids after Thanksgiving break- driving from Alexandria to Meridian via Tallulah. I decided to listen to the New Young Messiah. Larnelle Harris was singing "every valley shall be exalted, and every mountain and hill made low". I have sung that song all my life. Quoted the verse all my life. But the Lord tapped me on the shoulder.
For the first time I considered the first part - that every valley shall be exalted. I've always focused on the mountains and hills being made low. That's a very nice thought for someone who has climbed up as many mountains as I have. Especially lately.
But a valley being exalted. Hmm...
I've also been in my share of valleys. Some I have pitched head first into without really knowing what hit me till I woke up lying on the mirey bottom. Some I have slid down into gradually- bit by bit- trying desperately to avoid it, but still having to finally admit I was in a pit.
There are all kinds of things I can do to try to cheer myself up. Lift my spirits. Keep my chin up. I have even learned through the years how to "pull myself up by my bootstraps". But to "be exalted"? That's something only my Almighty Father can do.
As I drove through the frosty morning- He reminded me of how many times he has done just that- exalted my valleys. Raised up the bottom of the pit until I could look back and see how far He has brought me. Look ahead to see a future full of promise and hope- no matter what my circumstances.
By the time Steve Green had his turn- singing "I Know That My Redeemer Liveth"- I had my hand and heart raised in praise. To the One I KNOW I shall see 'stand in the latter days upon the Earth'.
Praise and thanksgiving to the One who exalts my valleys.
Gonna try now to charge up with my ONE remaining cord as the lights go out here in Pizza Hut Heights.